I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
