Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
