what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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