That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
