I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
