I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize