Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
