Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
