Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
