I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
