This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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