if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
