i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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