i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize