A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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