i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize