I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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