Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
