Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a search helicopter?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
