Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
