You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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