I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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