just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
