I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
