I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you would pick up someone in the library
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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