Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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