There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
