How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
