I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
