hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
