i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
