I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
