I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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