that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
