what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
