it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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