Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have post one night stand depression
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
