i think my tv is drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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