I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
