She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
