i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
