at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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