Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
