dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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