just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
