You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My first STD was from a foam party
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
