Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
