he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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