is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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