Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize