Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
