Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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