Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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