Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
