My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize