In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
