she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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