Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
