It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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