So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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