when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
