Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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