his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
