ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
