It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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