Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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