can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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