i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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