Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
