well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
