you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
